hmmm... a family dinner? wat type of dinner do you call it when i just sit down there and eat and didn't even open my mouth to talk for 4 hrs....

guess its me against the society.

Life's like a show. A drama. All of us humans are actors and actress. Who's telling the truth? Who's telling the lie? No one knows. Not even themselves.

“某地上空一隻小小的蝴蝶扇動翅膀而擾動了空氣，長時間後可能導致遙遠的彼地發生一場暴風雨。”

如果我从一开始就不存在这世界上，你的生活肯定会过的比现在更好。

Try imagining a life where you come to an "empty" house each day. No one that understand you and no one to talk to. Where all just opposes of your "wonderful-as-they-name-it" ideas. How does it feel likes? Whats the difference living there and loitering around? Maybe i expect as much as i put in. Did i even put in any? Damne ya' I am irritating. I'm full of shit. I don't belong anywhere.

I just wanna be mattered.

FMl .. cani quit school

Perhaps it was my thinking. Despite being my "big" day, wasn't really feeling "big" after school.

Maybe its the environment i grown up in.

Alone, aloof, having minimal interactions with people, no one to talk to when feeling down, no one to share happiness with, getting shoot down by parents all the time, not trusting me.

what i did was to build up boundaries to protect my self from danger, although i dun noe wat type of danger lurk out there, i believe that if i were to strike a fear first, it would be a great start for self defense.

Took a walk only to get my hearts out, was on the same track for the whole period, feeling that the lyrics relate to me in alot of sense.


"" im just so fucking depressed
i just cant seem to get out this slump
if i could just get over this hump
but i need something to pull me out this dump
i took my bruises took my lumps
fell down and i got right back up
but i need that spark to get psyched back up
and in order for me to pick the mic back up
i dont know how or why or when
i ended up this position im in
im started to feel dissin again
so i decided just to pick this pen
up and try to make an attempt to vent
but i just cant admit
or come to grips the fact that i may be done with rap
i need a new outlet
and i know some shits so hard to swallow
but i cant just sit back and wallow
in my own sorrow but i know one fact
ill be one tough act to follow
one tough act to follow
ill be one tough act to follow
here today gone tomorrow but you'd have to walk a thousand miles.

think im starting to lose my sense of humor
everythings so tense and gloom
i almost feel like i gotta check the temperature of the room just as soon as i walk in
its like all eyes on me i try to avoid any contact
cuz if i do that then it opens the door for conversation like i want that
im not looking for extra attention i just want to be just like you
blend in with the rest of the room maybe just point me to the closest restroom
i dont need no fucking man servant tryin ta follow me around and try to wipe my ass
laugh at every single joke i crack and half of them aint even funny like hahhhhh
"marshall your so funny man you should be a comedian god damn"
unfortunately i am i just hide behind the tears of a clown
so why dont you all sit downn
listen to the tale that im about to tell
hell we dont gotta trade our shoes
and you dont gotta walk no thousand miles

nobody asked for life to deal us with these bullshit hands we're dealt
we gotta take these cards ourselves and flip em dont expect no help
now i could have either just stayed at home sit on my ass and pissed and moaned
or take this situation with which im placed in and get up and kick my own
i was never the type of kid to wait by the door and pack his bags
and sat on the porch and hope and prayed for a dad to show up who never did
i just wanted to fit in in every single place every school i went
i dreamed of being that cool kid even if it meant acting stupid
and edna always told me keep making that face and it'll get stuck like that
meanwhile im just standing there holding my tongue trynwa twalk like dwis
then i stuck my tongue on that frozen stop sign pole at 8 years old
i learned my lesson then cuz i wasn't trying to impress my friends no more
but i already told you my whole life story
not just based on my description
cuz where you see it from where your sittin its probably 110% different
i guess we would have to walk a mile in eachothers shoes at least
what size you wear? i wear tens
lets see if you can fit your feet""


Where do we have emotions? to love? to feel? to get hurt each time we feel down? to spread the happiness in people by influencing others? to get shoot down each time we accomplish something that WE ourself are proud of? to feel praises coming from others?

Thoughts have been running thru my mind each day each nite, just keep thinking about the past. Y do i still linger in the past when its the present?

I can't change the past.
I shouldn't be feeling regretful for not taking the first step.
I should have reach out more, not stucking my head back into my own shell each time i feel like coming out to you, each time i should come out to you.

Oh shucks, the past have gone damn right it have past.

i need to stop thinking about it. Damn.

how can i stop when my mind isn't at peace with itself.

just finding a space to jot down all my feelings my mind my thoughts my emotion, all scramble up in a here. didn't feel like telling anyone as i feel like an "attention seeker" if yall get wat i mean so i decide to just put it here and hope that someday someone will hopefully past by this shit and say this to me:

" hey, i read ur blog post. i feel u."

it may be short but hopefully the one who says this truely knows wat i mean i feel and wat i going thru.
Shucks, no one will ever really walk in someone elses shoe if yall get wat i meant.

there ain't no way that u can tell a story without leaving out any details and putting in the real emotion that u felt at that moment.

You simply can't.

Oh well's ....lets just hope that some one will get to see this. maybe a min ltr, 1 day ltr, 1 year ltr, or maybe , it will never be read.

lets see how long.